Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
