So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize