I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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