who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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