The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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