just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
