why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
