That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
