North Korea, Best Korea!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
