Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
