billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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