'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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