this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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