that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
