I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
