I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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