Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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