Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
