Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize