Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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