dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
North Korea, Best Korea!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
