I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
