That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
