I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
