Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
