And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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