So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
