I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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