Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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