She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
