why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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