Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
