Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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