Soap is not a condiment
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
