He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you would pick up someone in the library
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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