Only a mothe r could love this liver
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
