just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
