I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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