we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
