Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
