RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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