; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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