i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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