why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
