I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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