I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
