Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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