Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
