SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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