Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
