it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
