He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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