I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize