I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize