thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
