It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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