Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna bring you to show and tell
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
