dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
