wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
