At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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