She is in my trunk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she peed on how many people?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
