P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
