He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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