omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
